I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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