I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
false alarm, still single
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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