You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
