About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
