Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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