hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
