what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
