Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
