I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
