in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can't turn off my feet"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
