Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
