# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
