this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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