1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
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