you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
