I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
