She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's shark week go big or go home
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
