im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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