just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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