are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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