i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
