Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
