Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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