i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
