So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
