I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
