One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
