i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
