He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
