dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I could fuck to npr.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
