Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
