Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
