There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
