He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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