Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
