hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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