I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
