I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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