I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
