I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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