Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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