also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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