Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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