im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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