I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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