i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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