I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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