I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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