Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
