No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
