He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
