So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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