I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
