Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
