Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
