i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
