Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
