her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Randomize
